Terrapin Times Summer 2000

Summer 2000

The Only Newsletter Written By A Toad,
A Dog, A Cat And A Hamster
That Has Nothing To Do With Turtles!

~Summer 2000~

~Sans Pants?!~

Ha! Have been distracted by the spousal unit to sort through 4000 pairs of 'wrecked' jeans. Alas, I exaggerate-1000 pair of wrecked trousers! "If you want me to buy you anymore new ones you have to throw out the old ones!" Now hold on there! Who said I wanted more jeans? And everybody knows a good pair of jeans has holes worn through the knees and a waistband that no longer rides the waist.*humph* I suppose that she is correct in wanting to dress me in nice nice clothes and all but this is akin to casting off an old friend just because they got a haircut. Or something like that. Perhaps I need to remind her that every manly household chore requires special pants? Leg protection suitable for each individual macho exercise in futility? Pounding 70,000 nails in the deck I haven't built requires special pants. Painting the deck I still haven't built (and the 70,000 nail-heads) -more special pants. My Dad always said that having the right tools makes all the difference for the successful outcome of the project. Pants are tools?!? Right?! Aren't they?? *cringes at awful visual of building new deck sans pants*

~Pookey Prints~

*WOOF* (exhuberant salutation) This month(?) I have decided to share a paw-full of my favorite floatations....er.....I mean quotations! Is that the right word? Well, I hope you enjoy them!

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."

~Snoopy~

"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."

~Samuel Butler~

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."

~James Thurber~

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

~Mark Twain~

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

~Groucho Marx~

"The other day, I was walking my dog around my building... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

~Steven Wright~

~10 Summertime Tips~

1) Never 'parlais en franais' while your pets observe you prepping the grill. (Latin or Russian is ok though.)
2) Never deliberately drop hard or soft-shelled crabs down your swim trunks.
3) Never use your turtle as a trolling motor while fishing for very large-mouth-bass.
4) Always be sure your 'Slip-N-Slide' is plenty wet before the lobster races.
5) Toads Are Not tree frogs! Please keep it that way.
6) Always double-check snail shells for inhabitants before using them for badminton.
7) Young turtles DO NOT need water wings to get started.
8) Budweiser is to be served only to frogs and lizards. Never to snails.
9) Make Sure your sand-castle is mostly moat.
10) Salamanders Love Cheetos. Makes them look like they've applied Coppertone.

~Merely~Me~Maya~

Happy Summer!! First of all I would very much like to thank all of you who have visited my web pages I do wish more of you would sign my guest book though. I would be more than happy to purr-sonally respond to you.I have plenty of time.
This is only my second column for the Terrapin Times and I must admit that despite the encouragement of the staff here, I have discovered that being responsible for independently producing my own material a trifle bit more challenging than I had originally anticipated. Yes, only my second issue and already I am making pre-emptory attempts at run-on words and sentences. Good for me, I say! Did you know that there is no format for this column? Also good for me! Allows me the advantage of writing whatever is inspiring me. Reflections, revelations and profundity. Maya choice. Let me ponder for a momentvery well. Actually I shall shortly and sweetly address all three, starting with;
Reflections: The mysterious shimmeries I dove right into when the pond overflowed.
Revelations: Cats do not especially enjoy swimming.
Profundity: A nice way of describing the not so nice things I said after participating in the previous two activities.

That's all for now! Next issue-who knows? - Maya Cat

~Toad Abode Swamped!~

Somewhere In Connecticut-Memorial Day 2000 was not only a day for remembering but a day that shall always be remembered 'round these parts. While last minute preparations were being made for the launching of the UnOfficial Boxturt Page, something wet and evil was preparing to launch it's own devastating crusade deep within the confines and catacombs (Maya has one of these) of the Toadly residence.

After spending the morning participating in holiday festivities and manning(?) the parade floats, Mr Toadly and Boxturt were looking forward to a light lunch followed by a leisurely swim in the newly installed indoor pond on the basement level. With the auto-temp and auto-water-level controls properly set and regulated the two friends dined. Upon completing the meal, the toad and turt donned Speedo's, grabbed towels and headed to their own private basement beach.

All too soon and much too late, the pair discovered the pond overflowing it's banks, the water level rising dangerously with each passing second. Amphibious yes. Equipped for deep-sea diving maneuvers-NO.

What Will Become Of Our Dynamic Duo??!
Continue Reading To Find Out
How You Can Help!!

E-mail The Turt (boxturt@boxturt.com)

~~~~~~~~~~WE NEED YOU!!~~~~~~~~~~ Terrapin Times is currently accepting material from talented writers because we don't have any of those here. Short stories and poetry would be teriffic and the sillier and more imaginative the better. Text submitted by the human factor will not be accepted or reviewed. (Be sure to include any and all dietary considerations with your correspondence.)Please e-mail us with anything you would like to see appear here in the Terrapin Times

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